TAKING THE STEP
The hero's journey won't be without its pitfalls, you will face many trails and tribulations. And here's the plot twist, you will be your own worst enemy.
The human drive for safety often keeps people from ever setting a goal, afraid of change and new challenges. It's like a protective instinct that resists taking risks.
This is the bitch inside of you, and you must learn to navigate this voice if you want to make consistent progress.
Life presents us with choices between safety and growth all the time.
While safety is important, we rack up wins only when we dare to grow.
Change might be uncomfortable and even painful at times, as it means letting go of the familiar. But it's through these challenges that we become more complex and capable.
Comfort is the enemy, you can't let it hold you back from becoming the man you're capable of. It's like a child holding onto their mother's leg while learning to walk—the child needs safety, but growth requires letting go and taking steps forward.
Take the step.
Leaving your comfort zone is scary, but not taking the step and living an unfulfilled life should scare you more.
THE RESISTANCE
In our lives, two fears often holds us back—the fear of failure and the fear of success. These fears are like two sides of a coin, both impacting your journey towards self-mastery.
Failure is a universal concern.
When we stumble or fall short, it triggers emotions like shame, embarrassment, and frustration.
These emotions gnaw at our self-worth, making us question whether we are destined to be losers.
The fear of failure is understandable, but allowing it to halt your mission isn't.
The less obvious fear that often trips people up —fear of success is less understandable.
Why would anyone be afraid of success?
After all, it comes with rewards, validation, and women. Yet, the thought of success can also be intimidating.
It carries the weight of expectations, responsibilities, and the unpredictable. All things the average person shies away from.
Now, here's where the concept of homeostasis comes into play.
Homeostasis is our body's innate tendency to maintain stability and balance.
Just like a thermostat keeps your room at a set temperature, homeostasis keeps your body and mind within a certain comfort zone. It's a survival mechanism, ensuring that we stay safe by avoiding drastic changes.
This mechanism is critical for survival, but it doesn't differentiate between beneficial and damaging changes.
Whether we're facing positive growth or harmful stagnation, homeostasis resists change equally. It's like an internal force that tries to keep us in a known, familiar state—even if that state isn't the best for our progress.
HOMEOSTASIS IS A HATER
I know homeostasis well.
I've been working in the same job for years doing architecture. It's comfortable and second nature to me. However, I've always wanted to do more.
The beauty of being an architect is you can visualise the result of something you want to create before it happens. And that process of communicating an idea that only exists in your mind before constructing it in real life is so satisfying.
This process is applicable so many other areas outside of the construction industry.
I had been visualising what this brand could become for a awhile but never had any real urgency to construct it in reality.
My life was good. My finances were comfortable, I'd just brought my first apartment, and I'd exceeded society's expectations of a black kid from a broken home who grew up on a council estate.
But as time went on, the feeling of leaving potential on the table started eating away at my conscience.
The longer I delayed doing the thing I knew I need to do, the more empty my life began to feel.
I lost my edge. I started going through the motions. Even sex brought me no joy.
I felt like my life lacked direction. Like everyday I was just wondering around aimlessly because I knew I wasn't living at my edge. I knew I could do more.
Then one day, whilst listening to a joe rogan podcast, him and his guest were discussing the male suicide rates. At the time of recording 90% of all suicides were committed by men in the UK.
Considering you never hear about men's struggles in the media, this stat broke my mind.
How could so many men want to delete themselves when women have it the worst in society?
This question bothered me and i began to dig. I had to get to the bottom of it.
As i pulled this thread, the more questions i found answers to, the more questions I had.
The one thing I know for sure is that we're living in a masculinity crisis.
Men are being feminised by a society that has decided any form of masculinity is toxic.
With male suicide being at an all-time high and no one seeming to care, I knew I could help.
Growing up without a dad (the first person a boy looks up to as his hero) meant I had to construct myself into the hero I never had. From an early age i knew it was all on me.
On my journey, I found a lot of the answers these men were looking for.
How do I earn genuine respect from my peers?
How do I get my shit together?
What does it mean to be a man?
I decided to finally start this brand.
The deeper I got into turning my vision into reality, the more anxious and doubtful I felt.
The idea of stepping into the uncertain world of creating a movement triggered a series of uncomfortable feelings.
Imposter syndrome began to spread like a cancer.
This is where homeostasis kicks in.
My mind and body are wired to maintain balance—the comfortable life I was living.
The thought of a major shift, even if it's towards my next layer of purpose, is perceived as a threat by my internal system. It sends signals of fear, doubt, and discomfort, urging me to retreat to my comfort zone.
In response, my mind begins to generate excuses:
- What if I fail?
- Why would anyone listen to me?
- What if I'm not cut out for this?
These thoughts were like warning signals from my internal alarm system.
Homeostasis was trying to bring me back to a familiar, safe place of mediocrity.
I could've interpreted these thoughts as a sign that my dreams were too risky, too difficult.
I could've told myself I wasn't ready or capable.
But I didn't.
I deconstructed all those thoughts of fear and saw them for what they were.
Homeostasis playing its role, trying to keep me safe. The only issue is, it doesn't distinguish between positive risks that are needed for you growth and life threatening risks—it simply wants to eliminate ALL risks.
Understanding homeostasis should help you grasp why we resist both failure and success. It's not just about being comfortable; it's about maintaining the status quo of mediocrity that homeostasis craves.
OVERCOMING THE FEAR
To break through this internal resistance, we need to recognise that homeostasis is natural but not always beneficial.
We need to consciously push beyond our comfort zone and redefine our "normal state." This is the path of self-mastery—embracing discomfort and gradually raising our limits.
Something is only uncomfortable when it's new, once it becomes habit you've created a new homeostatic set point. It's about allowing the unfamiliar to become familiar, which takes time.
The journey isn't easy. It's about taking steps towards the unknown, even if it means facing fears.
It's about finding the courage to stand alone in the pursuit of our highest potential. But this path also holds immense rewards.
By acknowledging the force of homeostasis you can learn to navigate it in your favour.
Your thoughts hold the key. I had to dismantle all my fearful thoughts and rebuild thoughts of empowerment in their place:
- I know this brand will be a success because I'm willing to fail every day for as long as it takes until I figure it out.
- I'm willing to keep iterating until the content I produce is so valuable it's undeniable.
- I will help so many men succeed that I can't lose.
You can do this too, it's a simple reframing exercise. Download the template in the link below if this is of interest to you.
You'll need to sign up for notion, which is a free note-taking app. Once you've signed up, click the link below and press duplicate in the top right of your screen to add the template to your notion account, then you can get started.
So, as you step into this journey, make peace with the part of you that seeks safety and familiarity. At the same time, challenge yourself to set higher homeostatic boundaries.
Allow growth to become a new norm, and courageously transform yourself every single day.
In the end, it's about embracing both the fear of failure and the fear of success and using them to propel you forward on your quest to becoming the anti-hero of your story.
Always remember, you were born to be the anti-hero of your story.
Free your outlaw.