THE STRUGGLE
People have thrown various theories into the mix to explain why men are struggling in society these days.
Is it the economy and the disappearance of traditional male jobs?
Is it the corporate culture and the powers that be who have drained the spirit out of men by stripping away their sense of autonomy?
Then there's the argument that our consumer-driven society and garbage hobbies like video games are the main culprit.
Personally, I think the depleting testosterone levels caused by micro plastics and all the toxic male cosmetics products out there full of estrogenic chemicals should also be thrown in the hat.
And, of course, there's the discussion about feminism and the changing dynamics of male-female relationships.
The thing is, it's not just one thing that's to blame.
The modern man's struggle is a combination of all these factors. Truthfully, it's the whole package of modern life that's the issue.
The new normal is a dysfunctional meaningless lifestyle which breeds physical and mental illness.
Don't get me wrong, the modern world has a lot of perks.
We used to live in a world of constant wars, and slavery where only 40% of men lived long enough to reproduce.
The modern world with its technological and cultural progress has made life safer, easier, and longer than ever before.
Yet, in life there are always trade-offs.
Do you want to live longer than ever if you're going to be spending you final decades of life sick.
For men, the unintended consequence of our incredible progress is a sense of feeling lost, useless and worthless.
Our masculine ancestors spent thousands of years fine-tuning psychological traits to conquer an extremely challenging world.
But despite our modern front of being a civilised society, those primal traits persist in every man.
To this day you'll still find men living the way our ancestors did in tribes, at one with nature.
Our current society is just a blip in the vast timeline of humanity.
The inner workings of masculinity remain the same, yet our surroundings have undergone a major shift.
Instead of the great outdoors, it's all about comfortable indoors.
Rather than battling the elements, we unwind in our sterilised thermostat-controlled spaces.
The act of creating with our hands has been swapped for Amazon prime.
Hunting for dinner has transformed into buying perfectly packed meat.
The primal masculinity within us is like a highly trained navy seal itching for action, but it's forced to lurk in the shadows, restlessly waiting.
All the while, society labels him toxic, blaming him for all of the world's problems.
Core aspects of the male psyche are being suppressed, and whether men know it or not, they need to reconcile this underlying tension.
It's a conflict that breeds frustration, anxiety, dwindling motivation, and, in some cases, suicide.
SOCIETIES SOLUTIONS
There's a lot of talk about what's wrong with men today but not a lot of constructive solutions.
The common advice seems to be, "Get over it, guys. You've had your time. It's a woman's world now. Just become more like women."
Alternatively, some men go to extreme lengths, like heading back to a primitive lifestyle in the wild to reclaim their masculinity.
I have a reoccurring dream about retreating to a cabin in the woods and chopping wood all day.
I’m not completely delusional though, I know I’d be over this life within a few hours.
And here lies the dilemma. The offered solutions—either embracing feminine traits or retreating to the wilderness—aren't appealing to most men.
Feeling powerless, many give up and drift along in immaturity, never truly becoming men.
Now, some (feminists) argue that the aimless male isn't a problem, claiming men are obsolete. After all, boss babes don’t need no man.
The issue is, the vast majority of crimes in the world are committed by men under 40.
A society of disgruntled, purposeless men used to be an uprising waiting to happen.
The modern man has porn and video games sedating him, acting as a substitute for women and purpose in his life.
But how long will these cheap imitations distract men from these fundamental things they need to live a full life?
It’s all well and good that women have more freedom but society needs both genders to win.
What’s the point of having all these good women out here if there’s no good men to build a life with them?
Women need us too, we need each other to thrive. If only one sex is winning, no one wins.
Men have unique qualities vital in various roles—leaders, creators, mentors, fathers.
We're not obsolete; we just need to adapt our manly traits for the modern world.
THE SIDE QUEST
This is the side quest of all side quests: Becoming the modern masculine man.
In our western culture, the distinction between a boy and a man has blurred.
Boyish traits now dominate, and manhood has been dismissed as out-dated, destructive and problematic.
The promotion of childish values—ignorance, rebellion, and irresponsibility—has been spread through social media by clout-chasing influencers and the mindless masses.
The issue?
We get a narrow view of masculinity centred on insecurity and the pursuit of sex, fame, money, and power.
This disconnect from our moral compass and duty as men makes us define worth through external factors.
Here are the basic facts: The boy is the slave of his ego. He's easily insulted, seeks attention, and lacks structure and integrity.
He's under the spell of the feminine, chasing tail, finding happiness only when close to the metaphorical mother figure.
The gloried man-child seeking comfort in women who can look after him.
The Hero archetype in boyhood psychology aims to break free from this weak, unhealthy, childish attachment to the Feminine to become his own man.
The hero's journey, the pinnacle of boy psychology is what propels the boy into manhood.
Don't be fooled by the movies, this transformative process, often preceded by an encounter with the abyss, isn't a fairy tale.
The stories often omit what happens after the journey is complete, the struggles of settling into adult responsibilities, staying faithful, and resisting the urge to escape it all for more adventure and excitement.
For boys, ego enslavement is the norm; for men, it's about mastering it.
The man turns his ego into an ally, a feat only possible after facing the crisis of the abyss.
To become a man, you must navigate the fear, grapple with life's pointlessness, and find purpose in serving the world.
While building this brand to help as many men as possible improve their lives, I spent the best part of a year in the abyss.
Trying to build something in my own image that’s never been done before.
Managing the fear, the imposter syndrome and thoughts of doubt.
On the outside, I’m stoic, on the inside I'm consumed by darkness.
“Am I going in the right direction?”
“Can I actually deliver?”
“Maybe this is too big for me; maybe I should give up.”
This is the abyss, that place in your mind where you have to overcome the fears of the scared little boy inside of you.
The one that questions if you’re enough.
The abyss is where you learn that darkness isn’t the absence of light but the absence of hope.
Hope is the ability to see that there is light despite all the darkness.
Hope is what allowed me to keep going with this project, using blind faith in my abilities to figure it out as fuel.
As long as you maintain that unwavering belief in yourself, you can release the fear and learn to embrace the abyss and the growth it provides.
In our safe and comfortable lives, many never outgrow boyhood, missing the chance to embrace true maturity.
A solution to this problem comes from the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, by Jungian psychologist Robert Moore and mythologist Douglas Gillette.
This is recommended reading to begin your side quest.
This enlightening journey unveils the complexities of the male psyche through the archetypes of King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover, offering a roadmap for personal growth.
Moore proposes that masculinity comprises four essential male energies, universally inbuilt in men regardless of birthplace.
These archetypes — King, Warrior, Magician, Lover — each serve distinct purposes.
Moore suggests that a man's journey to completeness involves developing all four energies, resulting in a profound sense of confidence and purpose.
Some ideas are more for the esoteric types, but there’s gold here for every man.
I lean more towards practical guidance but I still found value in studying the archetypes in this book.
I gained a better understanding on how to leverage my strengths, address weaknesses, and embrace a more balanced idea of masculinity for a more purposeful life.
In our digital product the outlaw's pocketbook we break down the four masculine archetypes in KWML.
We outline what they are and give you actionable steps in how you can unlock them on your side quest to modern masculinity.
If you're doing this without the pocketbook, we've got you. Once you've read the book, taking action on the guidance from 'King, Warrior, Magician, Lover' involves a practical and introspective approach:
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Self-Reflection: Begin by reflecting on your own life and behaviour patterns. Identify instances where you embody or lack qualities associated with the King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover archetypes.
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Set Personal Goals: Define specific, actionable goals for personal growth based on the insights gained from each archetype. For example, set goals to enhance leadership skills, cultivate courage, develop wisdom, and foster emotional intelligence.
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Create a Plan: Develop a step-by-step plan to achieve your goals. Break down larger objectives into manageable tasks. This could involve reading, attending workshops, seeking mentorship, or engaging in activities that align with the desired archetype.
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Seek Mentorship: Identify role models who embody the qualities you aspire to develop. Whether in your personal or professional life, having mentors provides guidance, inspiration, and a real-life example of the archetypes in action. These can be in real life or virtual/digital mentors.
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Seek Challenges: Growth often comes through challenges. Approach difficulties with the mindset of a Warrior, using them as opportunities to strengthen and prove your character. Take up martial arts. Exercise. Engage in a confrontation you have postponed. Always tell the truth. Maintain perfect integrity. Work on maintaining good boundaries.
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Cultivate Emotional Intelligence: Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions and how they influence your actions. The Lover archetype emphasises emotional awareness, empathy, and connection. Express your appreciation of beauty. Take up dance lessons. Do sensuality practices. Turn sex into your art. Listen to music that moves you (yes, move with it) and make really enjoying it a practice of presence (many people who “enjoy music” use it as a distraction from life. In practicing the Lover archetype, you should not). Start playing an instrument. Sing.
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Practice Mindfulness: The Magician archetype is associated with wisdom and insight. Incorporate mindfulness practices into your routine to enhance self-awareness and gain a clearer understanding of your thoughts and emotions. Do DIY engineering projects. Study the stars. Study the KWML archetypes. Study anything. Build a small laboratory and get to know the world of chemicals. Take up spirituality in order to penetrate the mysteries of the universe. Teach something.
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Contribute to Others: The King archetype involves leadership and service. Find ways to contribute to your community, workplace, or family. Acts of service not only benefit others but also reinforce positive qualities within yourself. Start a men’s group. Host a dinner party. Do a presentation in which you care more about the interiority of the members of the audience than looking good. Start seeing the impact you have on other people’s wellbeing and tune into the feeling that the people around you are citizens of your very own kingdom.
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Regular Review: Periodically assess your progress. Adjust your goals and strategies based on what is or isn't working. Continuous improvement is key to personal development.
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Connect with Others: Engage in discussions with friends, family, or a online community about the concepts from the book. Share insights and learn from others' experiences, creating an environment of growth.
Becoming a better man is a dynamic and ongoing process.
Consistency, self-awareness, and a commitment to growth are crucial elements in applying the book's guidance to your life.
Always remember, you were born to be the Anti-hero of your story.
Free your outlaw