LIFE IS A STORY
Deep within every man lies a story that determines whether anyone will care when he dies. This story is your life.
The main theme of my story has always been freedom. Since walking away from the school gates, this has been my mission. To be free.
People say life is a game but I think life is a story. When it’s all said and done, this is the only thing you’ll leave behind.
So, what’s your story going to be?
Just like a good story has its beginning, middle, and end, our lives have these distinct phases too. Think of them as chapters in a book.
There’ll be chapters of pain and chapters of glory, each with its own experiences and lessons to be learned. And it doesn’t matter how painful, traumatic or shitty your opening chapters have been, the future is yet to be written.
From the high points to the low moments of struggle, these emotions form the heart of our journey.
The conflicts we face act as the building blocks of character development. Those pivotal moments in stories where the hero must overcome adversity to grow.
Who’s writing your story? Because if it’s not you, then someone else is. And if you let someone else write it, your character will probably suck.
My character sucked (NH). I started off washing dishes in Pizza Hut.
It wasn’t until I intentionally became the architect of my story (literally and metaphorically) that my character started to rack up wins.
Through time and effort, I constructed a competent human being. I built a stronger body & mind, which allowed me to create a better life. And armed with the right tools & information, you can too.
THE STORY OF YOUR IDENTITY
The society that we live in today is man-made. It’s been founded on a bunch of stories, rules & systems that we as humans have created, agreed on & now blindly live by.
The problem is that a lot of these structures are designed to limit our freedom and potential.
I’ve personally spent most of my life trying to resolve this conflict, questioning everything that doesn't make sense.
The good news is, once you start challenging the rules & understanding why they exist, you can learn to control your narrative effectively.
This conflict is essentially the story of your identity, caught in the middle of a power struggle between two opposing worlds.
The outside world & your inside world. Both of these worlds are trying to tell us who we are.
A key part of our life story is based on this dynamic.
Our struggle between navigating other people's expectations of us, versus our own perception of who we are.
Those are the two conflicting identities we must reconcile. One is real & one is fake.
One is a mask made up of layers of conformity that we wear outside so society will accept us.
The other is our true, authentic core, buried beneath those layers, the parts of ourselves we've hidden away to fit in since we were kids.
Society often tries to shape our story by enforcing cultural norms. It uses media influence and the education system to guide our behaviours, beliefs, and identities towards its desired outcome… compliance.
It encourages us to conform, to fit into predefined roles—to become extras in its script rather than the heroes of our story.
We all have a choice to make. Are you going to allow the world to tell you who you are, or are you going to tell yourself who you are?
DISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE
Deep down, I always felt like something was off about me. Outside of football, I always struggled to relate to everyone around me.
When everyone wanted to go right, I wanted to go left.
When all my friends were trying to lose their virginity asap with any girl with a pulse, I was trying to hold out for the love of my life.
This plan quickly fell apart at university, but I always had an inclination to do the opposite of everyone else, and I never knew why.
It wasn’t until I was on uncle duties one day looking after my two nephews that I saw how much they were copying and modelling their behaviour based on mine.
They copied the way I stood, the things I said and did. When I blew their minds by throwing a ball super high, they'd try and throw a ball super high.
As I practiced some yoga in the living room, they'd follow suit.
It made me realise every boy needs positive role models to help them understand who they’re capable of becoming.
Growing up as a black kid in a small town where no one looked like me, with no father or masculine role models meant I had no one to model myself on.
I had to wrap my head around my identity and how I fit into my strange environment on my own.
Without any guidance or knowledge of self, you’re impressionable. It’s easy to fall into the trap of becoming the person society conditions you to be.
During my teenage years, the pressure to conform and fit in mounted.
- You have to wear these clothes to be seen
- You have to like these things to be cool
- You have to act like that to fit in
- You have to think like this to belong
The desire to be accepted by your friends and family is a natural human necessity that's hard-wired into us for our survival.
Failure to conform to the group resulted in getting kicked out of the tribe.
With a primal sense that my survival was at stake, the quest for freedom became secondary.
I played along:
- Sometimes I wore stuff I knew didn’t suit me.
- Sometimes I “liked” stuff I didn’t understand.
- Sometimes I acted in ways & thought things I didn’t really agree with.
Despite the layers of conformity forming, there was always something inside of me that wouldn’t allow me to comply fully.
Whatever it was, lets call it my conscience, it wouldn’t let me be normal.
This thing inside of me willed me to challenge the norms at every opportunity I could. Especially the normal path I was being led down.
This path is premised on the common belief that financial security is the key to freedom.
The idea is that by amassing enough wealth to retire comfortably, we can break free from the constraints of soulless work and responsibilities and finally be free.
It sounds good, but in practice I’ve only seen this path end one way.
YOUR CONSCIENCE KEEPS SCORE
I made it to adulthood, trying to satisfy both worlds. I walked that tightrope between playing along with society's rules whilst also pushing back enough to maintain a degree of authenticity.
I followed the traditional path of going to school, and getting a degree before pursuing a career in architecture.
I even planned to one day settle down into a predictable and stable life with a wife and kids.
And then at 24 years old, my conscience came knocking.
I was waiting for my train home on the platform. It was a cold dark night and I’d just finished working late as usual. Trying to get ahead, climbing that corporate ladder of glory.
The thought of doing this for the rest of my life scared the shit out of me.
As I stood on that platform, fantasies of jumping in front of the train I was waiting for circulated in my head.
My life seemed cool on the outside, but on the inside, I didn’t want to keep living this terrible life I hated.
The outside world view:
- Young man on a good traditional career path, seems like his got his shit together.
- Excellent work ethic, this should take him far.
- Living in London, must be loving life.
The inside world view:
- I feel like a slave working for this company that undervalues & underpays me.
- It’s like I'm completely invisible, I’m staying late every single night trying to “get ahead” with no reward or recognition.
- Prioritising work over socialising is making me feel empty.
- I don’t feel safe living with an alcoholic and a guy who just got out of prison.
The last one was the icing on the cake. When broken prison guy wasn’t starting fights with us, he’d be punching up the walls in anger in the middle of the night.
Standing on that platform I felt trapped & alone.
I always thought my dad’s death at 19 and the abandonment issues that came with a fatherless childhood would be my biggest obstacles to overcome. I was wrong, this was.
I think most people can relate to those moments when life becomes so overwhelming it feels like you’re drowning.
The walls of your harsh reality are closing in on you.
That feeling of helplessness consuming you because you know that no one is coming to save you.
This is the victim mindset. These feelings of hopelessness and defeat are common when the victim in us takes over.
This mental disease makes you believe you’re powerless to change your situation.
Confined in a rigid routine that lacked fulfilment and personal growth. The sense of not living up to my potential felt like a splinter in my conscience.
I began feeling suffocated by these boxes society was forcing me to exist in.
Haven’t you ever wondered whether there was more to life than this:
We wake up every morning in a bedroom box because a box next to us starts making beeping noises to tell us it’s time to get up.
Then we leave the box where we live to go to another box where we work, with a bunch of other people to sit and stare at the computer boxes in front of us.
When the day is over, everyone goes home to their house box and spends the evening staring at the TV boxes for mindless entertainment.
Our lives have been reduced to boxes.
It's unhuman, we aren’t designed to fit into boxes. We evolved to live in nature, and when you think about it, there are no straight lines in nature.
Now, think about what’s normal:
- Most people struggle with their physical & mental health.
- Most people end up divorced.
- Most people are in debt.
If this is what’s normal, maybe it was the world around me that was off.
The thing is, when the whole world is off, the world will point at you and tell you “you’re the one who is wrong because you don’t fit into this society.”
The moment you accept that you're not born to fit in, you're left with no other choice but to stand out…
GETTING BACK ON THE ROAD TO FREEDOM
Obviously, I didn’t jump in front of that train, but the fact that I had the thought meant something had to change.
During this chapter of pain, I turned to Oprah Winfrey's super soul podcast for guidance.
She had a podcast with Maya Angelou, a famous writer who left an impression on me. She was spitting bars of wisdom whilst telling her life story of hardship.
It made me seek out more of her work and I came across her poem which gave me hope when I needed it the most.
The poem was about a caged bird, and this passage has always stuck in my head.
It completely resonated with me & it's the reason the imagery is part of my logo.
I felt like the caged bird was me. The bird represented my quest for freedom, and society was the cage.
It got me thinking, you know this thing I was chasing… freedom. I knew society’s version of it, but I didn’t know what it meant to me.
I went on to mull over that poem and the idea of freedom for weeks before realising that freedom doesn’t exist out there.
Looking for freedom externally, your career, getting money, buying things you don't need, that's not freedom.
In fact, it’s the things you own that end up imprisoning you (I wish I knew this before I got a mortgage).
Freedom can only be achieved internally, it’s a state of mind you unlock through self-mastery.
Once you master your mind you're no longer limited by the beliefs of the external world.
You’re only limited by your OWN beliefs & the skills you possess as a result of those beliefs.
This belief that freedom is an internal game changed my life & it could change your life too.
Where you are right now, your current situation is a reflection of your thoughts.
Whether you allow something to make you feel powerless or empowered to take action to change the situation is within your control, but you need to change the way you think first.
- Your thoughts dictate your actions.
- Your actions determine your habits.
- Your habits create your life.
This is how you master yourself: by reconstructing your thoughts so that you have complete control over your mind and will.
This is how you get freedom, but until you fill that internal void, you will always be a slave to the external world.
The world outside is very noisy & very tempting.
It seems like it has all the answers, especially when you're struggling with self-doubt. When you don't feel like you're enough, you naturally start searching outside of yourself to fill that internal void.
This is all part of the game plan of our consumer-driven society: It thrives on selling you stuff so it can profit from your emptiness.
Whether they're physical products or belief systems we're constantly being sold. Think about all those magical products out there promising to make you feel better about yourself, or those ideologies that offer a sense of belonging to a group.
But here's the catch – to sell you something, the world first needs to make you feel inadequate in some way. It creates your insecurities & then preys on them. It can be treacherous out here.
I'll admit it though, I fell into this trap.
I brought what the world was selling.
I put value on material things & goofy belief systems.
I chased stuff, women, drugs, junk food, porn... but these vices only acted as a means to escape from the fact I wasn’t at peace with myself.
For me everything came to a head standing on that train platform, my situation reached a point where something had to be done about it.
This moment is part of every man's story.
There will come a time for you all when you realise that the facade you've been building; influenced by people in your life, the media, and society's expectations, is starting to crumble under the weight of reality.
In that moment, you’ll recognise that you've been constructing a compromised version of yourself, one shaped by society's blueprint, not your own.
This is also known as a midlife crisis.
Luckily, as human's, our greatest superpower is our ability to change.
You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago if that person isn’t who you truly want to be.
Don't wait until your 40's to start creating a life you truly want to live.
Start developing your knowledge of self and choose the path of self-mastery today.
When you take the time to understand who you are and what you stand for, you no longer allow external influences to define who you are.
You have to take control of your narrative- because the alternative my friend, is reaching the end of your life knowing you never became the person you were truly capable of becoming.
After spending years on the "normal path," chasing after materialistic goals, I reached a point where I no longer wanted to continue down that road.
Sometimes, hitting rock bottom can be a blessing in disguise because you realise you have nothing to lose by taking a completely different path. So, I turned inward in search of freedom.
Drawing from my architectural background, I treated my identity like a building.
Layer by layer, I dismantled the layers of conformity I'd constructed. It left me feeling exposed, naked, like a turtle without its shell.
- “Success means a fancy job title and high income."
- "Higher education guarantees a better life."
- "Material possessions bring happiness."
- "Sleeping around makes you more of a man."
- "Following the traditional path is the only way to get freedom."
- "Workaholism is the key to accomplishment."
- "You must fit into societies standards to be accepted.”
These false beliefs that hindered my pursuit of freedom had to go.
This process which is known as self-architecture, isn’t for people who kind of want to change. You have to REALLY want it.
The pain of staying the same has to outweigh the pain of change, because the pain of change is high.
But as painful as it is to demolish large parts of the idea of who you think you are, there’s nothing more gratifying than reconstructing yourself in the image of who you were born to be.
Action: Check this blog out to learn about the process behind Self Architecture.
BECOMING THE ANTI-HERO
What was destroyed must be rebuilt.
I let the world tell me who I was, but now I was ready to take complete authority & tell myself who I wanted to be.
But there was another obstacle I needed to overcome in the process… the victim mindset.
Society isn't our only enemy, we can also be our own worst enemy.
When your days blend into one another, with no real sense of purpose or direction, living without hope for a better life, you’ve fallen into the victim mindset.
This was the same state of mind that led me to doubt my existent, and overcoming it wasn’t easy.
The thing is, everything you want in life is on the other side of all of your doubts, fears and insecurities.
A life of quiet desperation is guaranteed for those who never find the courage within to turn and face all the thoughts, feeling and emotions that cause them pain or discomfort.
How do you tap into that courage? By becoming the anti-hero of your story.
No one came to save me. I had to learn how to save myself by becoming the anti-hero of my story.
If I didn't, the thought of jumping in front of my train home would've became a daily recurring pattern. Day after day hating my life and myself for not doing anything about it. Until finally, years down the line, with no progress made, i'm now desperate. I have nothing to lose. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. As my train pulls into my platform for the 1000th time, I actually jump.
Now, this can all be avoided.
By reconstructing yourself in the image of a man you can respect and admire, you'll be empowered to finally take charge of your life.
As men, I believe we were all born to be the anti-hero of our story. We naturally resonate with these narratives of redemption, a journey that defies conformity.
This is what the hero's journey is all about, embracing challenges, navigating uncharted territories, and carving out a path that's entirely our own.
It's a rebellion against playing a victim in society's narrative of conformity.
The anti-hero is the true hero inside all of us because it represents the complexities and contradictions of the human experience.
Every one of us has both light and dark within us, we often struggle with the boundaries of what is right and wrong and the anti-hero personifies that duality.
Think of the anti-hero as a symbol of resilience, determination and individuality.
Despite their fears and weaknesses, they always find the strength to overcome adversity. It’s an identity that represents the untapped potential within each of us to become the highest versions of ourselves.
The outlaw represented the anti-hero in my story. Reconstructing myself in this this image was the key to unlocking my untapped potential, allowing me to create a life that I was proud of.
And for all the other misfits out there, you have an outlaw in you too just waiting to be freed.
THE RESULTS
Over a 5 year period I went on to get a new job at an amazing architectural practice which paid well & appreciated me.
I started my own clothing brand on the side & saved up enough money to get my own place.
I got in the best physical & mental health of my life and I’m just getting started.
None of this was by chance though, it was written first.
Through the process of self-architecture, I designed my ideal life.
I mapped out my path to freedom and through hard work, consistency and patience, it started to become my reality.
I became the anti-hero of my story and now I’m on a mission to help other men do this too. Brick by brick you can construct yourself into the anti-hero of your story.
If you grew up without a dad and no other positive masculine role models like I did, your survival depends on this.
When your backs against the wall, it's all going to be on you, and you need to be able to handle whatever life throws at you.
This is personal for me, but i'm not here to care about your life more than you do.
I just understand the feeling of hopelessness, not belonging and searching for answers in an unforgiving, confusing world.
I know what it's like to live in a state of quiet desperation, struggling to make ends meet, not feeling healthy, waking up and feeling anxious.
I saw who I could've became in my old housemate "broken prison guy": he was just a young man unprepared for life with no tools to deal with all of his demons.
I couldn't help him, but maybe I can help you.
I learned how to master my mind, body & emotions the hard way but you don't have to.
Here's the deal: If you're trapped in a supposedly free world, ultimately it's because of the choices you've made. You just need to make better ones.
True freedom is something you have to create for yourself through your actions.
No one else will do it for you. Not your parents, brother, sister, partner, friend or dog.
No one but YOU is responsible for your life.
So, the choice is yours: victim or hero?
Victims: look back with regret, a life marked by missed opportunities and unfulfilled dreams.
Outlaws: live with purpose, passion, and abundance. They have the strength and courage to live life on their own terms.
Think about this: There's an older version of you out there, 50 or 60 years down the road, looking back either with pride or regret at your life story.
The man you became or didn't.
The challenges you conquered or didn't.
The people you helped and uplifted or didn't.
Every decision you make, every person you meet, contributes to your story. And like any good story, the journey is what matters most—the growth, the connections, and the moments that define us.
And when you become the architect of your story, you get to decide how the story unfolds, how the chapters end.
Don't let society's script dictate your life.
Free your outlaw and forge your own path and leave behind a legacy that's uniquely yours.
My anti-hero’s journey has given me the confidence and security to stop questioning my capabilities.
Now, I ask myself what I want to achieve and what skills I need to learn to make it happen.
I know that the only ability that matters is the ability to change, improve and get better and we have this ability.
I hope that anyone reading this finds the strength to reclaim their identity. When you stop seeking your sense of self outside of yourself, you gain the power to become unstoppable.
If you feel stuck, restricted & powerless, like a bird encaged by the cold, rigid, dusty bars of society, don't worry you can be free.
Free from being someone you're not.
Free from living a life that makes no sense to you.
Free to just be your authentic, lawless self.
To start your journey today, click the link below for the anti-hero's roadmap form.
If you haven't already check out our blog on the hero's journey below.
The Hero with a Thousand Faces
Always remember, you were born to be the anti-hero of your story.
Free your outlaw.
Welcome to the tribe X The revolution starts within X
If you're looking for tools & tactics to improve your life I hope the content on this website serves you.