This is for whoever needs it, but it’s also for the young fatherless version of me out there who had no idea what it meant to be a man of morals, values and integrity.
As boys we look to role models for guidance on understanding who we are and who we are capable of becoming. If like me you had to grow up without that reference point, I know life hasn't been easy for you.
I know you've had to learn some tough lessons on your own, but you're not alone. There are thousands of young men out there just like you, struggling to find their place in the world.
Look here's the thing, you don't have to let your past define your future. You have the power to take control of your life and escape the victim mindset.
The victim mentality is like a prison (minus the rape culture) that keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-defeating beliefs and behaviours. It makes you feel useless, worthless and at the mercy of the world. But the truth is, you hold the key to your freedom.
One of the key aspects of becoming the anti-hero of your story is the need to construct yourself into the man that you respect and admire in every way.
As a young man, it's easy to get caught up in the idea of instant gratification and quick fixes. But the truth is, real success comes from putting in the hard work and investing in yourself long term.
When you add value to yourself in this way, you become more valuable to the world around you. You develop the skills, knowledge, and experience needed to tackle any challenge that comes your way. And that's what makes you a true leader and hero.
So, how do you rise above that voice inside your head telling you that you're not enough?
Well, it starts with self reflection.
By delving into the patterns of thinking and behaviour that are holding you back. It will be painful at first, being honest with yourself isn't fun.
You'll need to walk in your pain and get comfortable being uncomfortable. The only way to alleviate suffering is by suffering.
Many people will try to avoid this type of exercise because it makes them uncomfortable.
It’s understandable. Life is challenging enough.
Do we really need to examine and process all of our negative emotions?
Yet, one of the undeniable truths of inner work is:
Whatever you resist grows stronger.
By denying or avoiding something within ourselves, it doesn’t go away. It festers and grows in the background, becoming a more formidable monster or demon in the future.
For me I had to really sit with the pain that not having a dad in my life caused me as a boy. I had to process all of the ways these feelings of abandonment effected me. I had to recognise the coping mechanisms I developed to protect myself as a child that I was still using as an adult.
If you never pull on the threads of all your limiting beliefs and see where they came from, you will go through life trying to navigate your problems with the coping mechanisms of a child.
To truly tap into the source of your own personal power you need to follow your pain. But let's be real, it's not easy to make this kind of transformation overnight and own your shit.
It's pretty difficult, but as humans, we're designed to do difficult things. There was a time when our whole existence was hunting and building stuff and making fires whilst being starving all the time.
We now live in a time when it's the easiest it's ever been to survive. We have no excuse not to make something of ourselves. But it all starts with identifying your limiting beliefs and understanding how your past experiences have shaped you.
Don't worry; we've got you covered with a journaling exercise I use to reframe my unproductive thoughts. You can download it right now (link below) to get started.
This exercise will help you recognise the victim inside of you.
Awareness is the first step. Once you develop that awareness, you'll be able to shift your mindset towards one of empowerment and personal responsibility. And the better you become at doing this, the easier it becomes to move forward to a place you want to be.
Imagine what it will feel like to take ownership of your life and choices, to no longer feel like a victim of your circumstances. This could be your reality if you want it to. be.
The journaling exercise, escaping the victim mindset, can be accessed via the link below. You'll need to sign up for notion, which is a free note-taking app. Once you've signed up, click the link below and press duplicate in the top right of your screen to add the template to your notion account, then you can get started.
Always remember, you were born to be the anti-hero of your story.
Free your outlaw.