Disclaimer: I am not a physician, psychologist, or psychiatrist or doctor. I'm just a guy who is creating a platform for men who want to conquer their demons and become the hero of their story.
None of this is advice, I can't care about your life more than you do. You can make your own decisions. This is just stuff I have picked up on the topic of mental health, as well as the practices that have worked for me personally. Use this for informational purposes only.
One of the most prominent and popular ways of dealing with depression is undergoing therapy with a psychiatrist or psychologist. Should you take that path? Let’s first give a brief rundown on the most common options that are out there:
Freudian Psychodynamic Therapy
Form: Seeking to uncover the source of your depression by exploring your emotions and experiences.
Possible Pros: Research suggests results may be longer lasting than other forms of therapy.
Possible Cons: Seeing results can take a longer time commitment than other forms of therapy — several months to a year or more.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Form: Identifying and transforming faulty cognitive patterns that may be leading to depression.
Possible Pros: More practical and shorter in duration; CBT doesn’t focus on analysing past emotions or past experiences, and lasts for 4-12 weeks.
Possible Cons: Research shows that preventing relapse after an initial CBT treatment cycle may require periodic follow-ups to “tune-up” your thinking skills
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy
Form: Teaches mindfulness meditation and how to step back from negative thoughts in order to neutrally observe them.
Possible Pros: Cultivates practices and a mindset that may be just as beneficial during non-depressed periods. Can be effective for severe cases.
Possible Cons: n/a
Therapy may help you dig into the fundamental origin of your depression and is free of any negative side effects on your mind. But it will cost you time and money. Antidepressants, on the other hand, are very convenient, but will have negative effects on your body and mind, and work by treating depression’s symptoms rather than addressing its deeper roots.
If you think the roots of your depression run deep and are lodged in your upbringing or negative thought patterns, therapy may be the way to go.
Ultimately, I think men want solutions and guidance on applying those solutions. Most therapy focuses on making people feel heard and seen. I think men want their sense of personal power restored. Being heard and seen makes men feel like they're being pitied and most would rather die than be victims. Hence the high suicide rates amongst men.
At the end of the day we're problem solvers. We see a problem and naturally want to act on it and find a solution. Women generally see a problem and want to talk about it and process it in multiple different ways before eventually making a decision. This is why talk therapy is so beneficial for them. I do know there're psychologists that specialise in a more action based therapy which would be extremely helpful for men but they're this isn't a common thing at the time of writing of this.
I can personally vouch for cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) which is essentially just stoicism mixed with mindfulness. These practices have personally brought me a lot of value and helped me deal with many of life's challenges. While I haven't experienced them with a psychologist, I hold nothing against them. My hesitation comes from a belief that most people aren't great at their job, and when it comes to something as important as my mental health, I'd need to find someone truly exceptional before putting my trust in them.
But this isn't about discouraging seeking help from others; it's about taking ownership of our own lives. Ownership means recognising that even if something isn't our fault or deeply traumatic, we can still take responsibility for how we respond to it. Fault and responsibility are 2 different things. We never win playing the blame game; it only keeps us stuck in a cycle of resentment.
No matter how difficult things may seem or how low we feel, we can choose to take charge of our actions and mindset in the face of adversity or trauma. There’s two types of people in this world… People that are damaged by their traumas, and people that use trauma to strengthen them….It all comes down to the stories you choose to tell yourself about the things that happened to you.
As a man, it's important to understand that we can't rely on psychologists or anyone else to come and save us. The truth is, no one really cares about your struggles. They might show you some sympathy in the moment but after those moments are gone, they aren't thinking about you. Everyone has problems and their problems are way more important to them than yours.
If someone messed up your life you can't wait around for them to fix it. They're not thinking about you, they're too busy living their own life. We give away our power by expecting a solution to come from outside of ourselves. The past is done, we can't change it. We can change the way you think about it but until we have time machines there's no point dwelling on it.
You only have the power to own your present and future by taking responsibility for them. Or don't, you can exist in a victim mindset which disempowers you from doing anything about your situation. I can’t care about your life more than you do. You can either figure out how to save yourself or be one of life's many losers. Not everyone can win. Life is competitive and you need to decide what side you want to be on. The best part is... the power always lies with you. Choose wisely.
Always remember, you were born to be a hero.
Free your outlaw.