THE ROLE OF LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
Let’s rewind to 1967 for a second. Some guy called Dr. Martin Seligman conducted a series of experiments with dogs to understand the concept of learned helplessness. The dogs were divided into three groups. The first group could stop electric shocks by pressing a panel, the second group had no control over the shocks, any attempt they made to stop the shocks would be pointless. The third group had no shocks administered.
The dogs in the first and third group recovered well, showing resilience. However, the dogs in the second group, the ones who had no way to stop the pain, displayed symptoms similar to clinical depression.
In the next part of the experiment, the dogs were placed in a box with a low barrier they could easily jump over to escape the shocks. The dogs from the first and third group quickly learned to jump over and avoid the pain. But the dogs from the second group, who had learned earlier that their actions were helpless, simply lay there whimpering like little bitches, enduring the shocks without attempting to escape. Gents, this behaviour is what we call "learned helplessness."
These experiments were not limited to dogs but were also conducted with other animals, babies, and adult humans. The results were consistent across the board. Once individuals experienced a situation where they had no control, they turned into victims and continued to feel helpless, even in situations where they actually had control.
This research sheds light on the huge impact learned helplessness has on our behaviour and mindset. I believe this explains why many people choose to be victims instead of taking personal responsibility to solve their problems. If you don’t want to be a little bitch, understanding and addressing learned helplessness is the first step towards regaining control and building resilience.
Now imagine a society where the masses believe opportunities are limited, and they face constant barriers and discrimination. You know, like social structures that maintain inequality and restrict access to resources. Is this belief empowering or does it reinforce a sense of powerlessness?
Unfortunately, this is our current society. Social media is full of narratives promoting victimhood which contributes to a mindset of learned helplessness, by discouraging personal responsibility.
"Look at how easy all these rich white people have it, if you’re a minority there's no point in trying."
"You’ve had a difficult past which wasn’t your fault, you never stood a chance of winning."
"The system is rigged against people like you, there's no point in fighting against it.”
This is what victimhood sounds like.
They want you to lose faith in your own abilities to improve your life.
They want you to accept a life of dependency, where you rely on others(them) to control your outcomes.
I’m not disputing that life is difficult and unfair, but marginalised people throughout history succeeded in spite of countless obstacles. Yes, you’ve got to work harder than others to succeed, but so what? Work harder.
The harder you work, the easier it is to win because most people are doing the bare minimum they need to survive. You’ll have less competition the harder you work. Or you can be like the majority who give up all of their power to live the life of a victim.
It's no different to being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean without a paddle. You have no control over the direction of the boat, and you’re completely at the mercy of the currents and waves. No matter how hard you try to steer or navigate, it seems useless. Helpless, lost, and resigned to whatever fate the ocean decides for you. That’s the life of a victim. Breaking free from learned helplessness requires finding a way to regain the metaphorical paddle and navigate towards the future you want, not the crummy future that was given to you by society. I have a couple of mental frameworks below to get you out of thinking like a victim.
Reframing Setbacks
Encountering and reacting to life's setbacks can be broken down into three categories that we all experience:
- Adversity: Facing a setback, challenge or something that didn't go as planned.
- Beliefs: Our thoughts, feelings, and interpretation of the setback. These beliefs shape our reactions.
- Consequences: How we act based on our beliefs about the setback, which influence our future outcomes.
We can't change the adversity itself (A), but we have the power to change our beliefs (B), which will ultimately lead to different consequences (C). It's not the setback that directly determines our reactions, but our beliefs about the setback.
Let's look at a relatable example that isn’t connected to me in anyway shape or form:
Adversity: Picture some guy who has been messaging a girl he met on a dating app for a few days. They instantly hit it off, they have so much in common. She’s from Manchester, he supports Manchester united. She does graphic design, he did graphic design one time in high school. It feels like a match made in heaven, and he starts to believe she might be "the one."
So, he asks her out on a date and she’s down, she responds with an instant "yes." This guy loves an out of the box date so he takes her to a late-night museum, filled with weird animal skeletons. This created an intriguing and unique atmosphere, the perfect setting for love to blossom. After exploring the exhibit for an hour, they head to a nearby bar for some drinks before finally calling it a night.
He thinks the date went ok, a solid 6 out of 9. However, as he commutes back home, a text message notification pops up on his phone. It's from the girl, and his heart skips a beat. He opens it anxiously, expecting to see a declaration of love. It reads – “The date sucked, you suck and I never want to see you again”… only joking. It reads- ‘Had a nice time and it was really cool to meet you but I don’t think we’re compatible. Wish you all the best for the future.”
Beliefs: It's a kind message, but it leaves this random guy that’s not me, feeling disappointed and confused. He had built up expectations and believed they had a great connection, only to be met with the realisation that their compatibility didn't align for her. It's a relatable scenario where hopes and expectations collide with the reality of the situation. Naturally he reacts by thinking negatively about himself, believing he sucks and will never find love.
Consequences: The guy becomes stuck in a cycle of feeling depressed and angry, which prevents him from asking another girl out for a long time. (I didn’t really do this because I’m not a victim and this isn’t about me but for the purposes of this example this guy reacted like a loser)
This nameless guy’s negative beliefs led to a victim reaction. To achieve a better outcome, he needs to question and stress test those beliefs. Remember, just because you hold certain beliefs, it doesn't make them true. You can always change your beliefs, especially if they don’t empower you.
STRESS TESTING BELIEFS
Evidence: Examine the real facts of the situation. Does the evidence support or contradict your belief?
“The facts are 1 girl rejected him. Does 1 girl’s opinion out of the billions of women out there really mean he sucks? This guy should be focusing on finding the women that don’t think he sucks rather than crying about the one that does.”
Alternatives: Victims focus on the most negative explanations, ignoring positive alternatives. Force yourself to explore alternative explanations that may be more positive.
“Maybe she has some past trauma which means she’s not compatible with decent, competent men and she has saved him a lot of time and pain.”
Implications: Losers often jump to the most catastrophic conclusions. Question what the likelihood of these conclusions actually occurring is.
“Just because this girl rejected whoever this guy is doesn’t mean he’ll never find love, he fell in love with a different girl he took on a date last week and will probably fall in love with the next girl he takes on a date (He did).”
Usefulness: Not all true beliefs are useful. Even if you do suck it doesn’t benefit you to believe it. Holding onto unhelpful beliefs prevents you from working on things you can actually change about yourself.
“Success is the best revenge always. The more you work on yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and finically, the more women will be attracted to you.”
Stress testing your beliefs is a practice. You shouldn’t have any beliefs that limit your power or make you a victim. Victims are losers who live in a world where they have no control over their life. Journaling is the key to stress testing beliefs.
Getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper helps you detach and analyse them more clearly. It also helps you sort through your feelings and identify your limiting beliefs. If you don’t want to constantly lose in life start challenging and changing your beliefs. You will develop a more resilient mindset and improve your reactions to setbacks in life.
So, when faced with adversity, remember that it's not the setback itself that determines your reaction, but your beliefs about it. Challenge those beliefs and seek alternative explanations. The power lies in your ability to stress test your beliefs, examine the evidence, explore positive alternatives, question catastrophic conclusions, and embrace useful beliefs.
In a world that often promotes victimhood and learned helplessness, it's time to rise above. Reject the narrative that disempowers you and embrace personal responsibility. Remember, life may be difficult and unfair, but countless individuals throughout history have triumphed over adversity. Yes, it may require more effort, but the rewards are worth it. Work harder, push yourself further, and refuse to settle for mediocrity.
Take action. Journal your thoughts, challenge your limiting beliefs, and watch as your mindset transforms.
Always remember, you were born to be the hero of your story.
Free your outlaw.